Dear my younger self...
I know some people say they would live their life differently if they could have it again, while others say they have always lived a happy life. Make sure, from now on, you do the latter.
By all means, listen to advice and decide yourself whether or not to take it. As long as no one is hurt, do the things you want to. Above all, find the courage to do the things you want to and do not slavishly follow anyone else. Do your own thing.
Be true to yourself. Love yourself, as only then, can you give love to others. It does not matter if you prefer members of your own gender. Look for someone to love and not what the church tells you to look for, a Christian man. You tried so hard to find that special person, but even though you joined Christian organisations there were not suitable men about, and anyway you did not really want a man. But you thought lesbian love was wrong. Your Christian friends told you that someone would turn up, but that was not true.
You were lonely and thought that anyone was better than no one. That is not true. You have only ever really wanted a very special person to yourself whom you could love and be loved by them.
My advice, as someone older, and knows from first-hand experience what you have been through, is to have fun, don't be afraid to buy attractive clothes and to go out to any places you want to. Don't be afraid to try new things, but always remember you are in charge of yourself and you don't have to follow anyone else.
If you find that special woman, one of you may be able to have a baby, or you may be able to adopt. Your friends and family may be a bit shocked or surprised at first, but remember they want the best for you and for you to be happy. Go on-line dating apps and join LGBT+ groups. Explore gender reassignment if that is what you want. Don't ever allow yourself to be under the influence of people who say they are right and you are wrong.
I hope you will have a long and happy life, exploring all kinds of situations and trying all kinds of new things. But most of all, I hope it won't be long before you find that person to be with.
Yours sincerely
Your Older (and lonely) Self.